so the other day i met up with an old friend and one of the things we ended up talking about was relationships. she asked me how i navigated poly stuff, because she always figured jealousy would be too big and the fantasy of having a bunch of partners who don’t have any besides you is nice but the…
in addition to using different names to describe my relationships to the world - “girlfriend” for you, “partner” for bee - i like to have different names i privately call all of you to reinforce that i share a different, unique dynamic with each of you. even when all of you meet me within the context of submission, only you are my babe, only bee is my little bug, only xandir is my piglet. part of mitigating jealousy is reminding everyone i’m seeing that you’re not interchangeable in my heart, that each of you is uniquely treasured.
the other part is not viewing jealousy as an avoidable goal, but a thing to be given space and discussed and addressed when it happens. jealousy isn’t a failure state in a poly relationship, but an opportunity for communication.